Student Name

assignment 47374 (assignment Moodle number), 2015-03-04 (Date)
scored by godsflunky (Mr. C)

(This shows the errors made in the Mechanics category, which the student is assumed to have mastered; zero errors multiplies the prior score by a small amount, moving it upward—5 points x 1.010 = 5.05 points. Students can check their cumulative totals by accessing the database from the Scholars Online Moodle page.)

Punctuation: 0 errors: → score multiplier 1.010

Capitalization: 0 errors: → score multiplier 1.010

Character format: 0 errors: → score multiplier 1.010

Page format: 80 percent: → score multiplier 1.600

(This list shows errors made in the Grammar category, which the student is assumed to have mastered; zero errors bumps up the prior score by a small positive amount, whereas the "Sentence structure" error divides the prior score by a small amount, moving the cumulative score slightly downward—5 points x 0.990 = 4.95 points.)

Agreement: 0 errors: → score multiplier 1.010

Pronouns: 0 errors: → score multiplier 1.010

Verbs: 0 errors: → score multiplier 1.010

Modifiers: 0 errors: → score multiplier 1.010

Sentence structure: 1 errors: → score multiplier 0.990

(These scores are in the Infrastructure category, which is currently the student's main focus, and so are treated differently from the errors above. Remember that these are not grades; anything above 50 is positive progress, and most decent assignments get between 50 and 75. Here the student has earned a 51, which boosts the cumulative score up a tiny amount.)

Paragraph structure: 51 percent → score multiplier 1.020

SPELLING: None (If any words had been misspelled, they would be entered here and recorded in the database; making the same spelling mistake again will be costly in denarii.)


decision: In your fourth paragraph, you seem to be using "decisions" as a synonym for "deciding between two alternatives. It really should be either "We face a decision" or "We must decide between two alternatives."

dispatch: this word doesn't need "of" after it, so in your fourth paragraph you could simply write "Nature could dispatch the carbon... or humans could dispatch the trees."
(If the student misuses "decision" or "dispatch" again, the database will automatically deduct denarii.)


(The instructor's comments go here. We try to explain each mistake in the areas the student is assumed to have mastered, and then give feedback on the areas of focus regardless of success or failure. At the bottom, since this was an essay, the denarii score is explained. Paragraphs only earn zero to two denarii, and thus their denarii scorse are fairly self-explanatory.)

Sentence Structure: You're missing a word in the fifth sentence of your second paragraph.

Paragraph Structure: the biggest problem you have here is that many of your facts are distorted or just wrong. For example, you seem to believe that the greenhouse effect works in a certain way that is inherently good, and that deviation from it is bad; but the greenhouse effect is in fact a neutral process of basic physics—so one cannot "abuse" the greenhouse effect any more than one could abuse the freezing point of water. It just is what it is, though it may have negative consequences for humanity. However, correcting your various scientific errors is a bit beyond our scope at this point. (You'll soon be at the next level, however, and there you'll definitely need to get your facts straight!)

So let's turn to something that is within our scope, specifically the organization of your paragraphs. Sometimes your scientific errors lead you to non-sequiturs, such as oxygen loss and suffocation being in a paragraph about deforestation (most oxygen we breathe is produced by plankton, not trees, though the trees do help and plankton might also be affected by climate change). However, while your facts are muddled, your organization of what you thought were facts is not, leading us to a tangled situation: your essay doesn't make sense on one level, but setting aside the scientific errors makes it more comprehensible. I therefore can give you a little credit, but not a great deal. It seems to me that this might be a good essay to redo once you have done some further research into the topic.

Denarii: seven, earned solely by the work you put into it; lack of research and factual errors kept you from earning any more.

PS: by "factual errors" I don't mean to imply that I don't believe in global warming/climate change. The scientific evidence seems largely conclusive that you're correct on one thing: it's happening and it's human-caused. However, you seem confused by how it works and how it might be dealt with. I strongly encourage further research.

DENARII: 7 added to your treasury. (This is the total added to the student's supply of denarii, recorded in the database. This total can again be accessed from the database via the Moodle.)